How Do Your Weeds Grow?

I have a bit of a weed problem. And I mean this in the most honest, innocent of ways. Let's just address the elephant in the room - this has to do with my garden. Last year, I had this amazing, rich, grown-on-a-farm, $165/yard soil. It was decadent. This year, not so much. It starts with the fact that I cannot tell a weed from a plant. Imagine my excitement when I thought my cucumber plants had sprouted overnight? Now, imagine my disappointment when I was told, they were weeds. How is that weeds can grow overnight and the actually vegetable takes month? It's the gray hair syndrome. You pluck a weed and one grows back immediately in its place. I have diligently been out there every morning, plucking weeds. I hear it's great exercise which, while doing wonders for my daily cardio, is doing nothing for my self-esteem.